Blink
by BeastlyRedemption
Summary: The Cullens are back, trying to make amends to Bella, who screams in the night and tries to unravel her complicated feelings surrounding a certain blonde. Rosalie / Bella.
1. Sacrifices and Blood

**I really need to stop fucking posting stories when I'm not done with other ones. This is something that I wrote back a while ago and I don't know how it's possible to get worse at writing, but today, I am terrible at it. And this is something I would give a C on. Also, the Rosalie and Bella section of this website needs more so, here's my never-ending contribution.**

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" _I could write poems on your neck with my lips oh I feel so homesick for a place I'm not even sure even exists." - tprpoems (Tumblr)_

Bella wonders how long it's been since she's taken a breath.

She looks out the window, towards the area where she stopped living, and gets her answer.

(Ever since _He_ left.)

The trees look different since the incident happened; like they're dead. She doesn't plan on taking another breath. Maybe ever.

;n;

Brown grass crunches under her feet as she makes her way towards La Push.

She needed to see Jake again.

She needs to see him like an alcoholic, a druggie, needs their fix. But not because she loves him, or feels anything for him.

It's because he's a distraction. She uses him for his warmth and his puppy dog grins and how he's near the sea. Which seems to be her only redemption.

Bella sees the way Jake's eyes light up and she cringes inside.

He looks like she did a few months ago; love lit up in her eyes, smile as slow and tender as they could get, full of innocence of a certain kind. (It was a kind that could leave you mutilated.)

Jacob was in love with her.

She didn't - couldn't - won't - love him back.

Her heart didn't jump like that anymore, anyway.

;n;

"Please, Bella, don't _go_." Jacob is begging, knees bending like he's about to get on them.

The way he says "go" stops her. He says it like that if Bella does leave, then she'll be lost in the fire. Somewhere untouchable, and she won't ever come back unscathed.

The bullet ricocheting in her chest agrees.

"I'm not letting him kill himself." Bella's voice is cold. Has to be. Otherwise, Jacob will burn in the inferno along with her.

"Bella," his voice is edgy, like there's something clogging his usual husk. But he tries again. "Bella, I-"

"Goodbye, Jacob," she stops him before he steps into the ring of flames.

It doesn't help at all because Jake is a masochist.

He grabs her arm (It hurts, but she's stopped feeling pain a while ago,) and spins her around. There's a paw of a hand tangled in her hair and there are warm lips crushing hers.

But that's it.

His mouth is just warm like anything with a pulse would be. His lips are fleshy and his mouth is wet. His teeth are biting and the sensation feels weird. He is too hard. Too male. Too … like Edward. It was all very gross and she decides she doesn't like it.

Jake's trying too hard. Bella sits there, waits.

He pulls back, tears pulling up over the corners of his eyes.

Bella blinks; once, twice, turns and walks away to a waiting Alice by the door.

;n;

"Bella? Want to talk about what happened back in the kitchen?"

"No, Alice. I'm tired and it felt weird. Wrong, too … hard."

;n;

"You've changed."

Bella almost doesn't hear Alice over the roar of the jets.

Her muscles freeze under skin for a second, eyes dart around the endless sky before she answers.

"Yes." Pause. Pause. Pause. Pause… "I had too."

There's not a response back.

;n;

"Do you even love him anymore?"

The question hits Bella in the chest like a freight train. It leaves her breathless, on the floor screaming at memories that murdered.

Bella's heaving, eyes closed and her palms are too sweaty to grab onto reality and keep it tethered to her.

"Bella?"

She doesn't know how to answer Alice honestly.

Bella levels Alice with a look that could freeze all of the oceans, she says in a voice that wavers with unsaid emotions, "I've changed, I had too," and turns back around to look out the window.

;n;

Water rips up against her shins like a punishment. Bella's pretty sure she might've hyper-extended her knee but she's still running blindly into a sea of red. _Have to get to him. Have to get to him. Have to stop him. He'll kill his whole family._

There's a break in the crowd when a cheering man in a red robe falls over from alcohol abuse; a slobber of a smile plastered on his lips. People rush over to help him up and Bella slips by undetected.

Faintly, Bella can see a shadowy figure lurking in the sunlight. _Wrong, wrong, wrong-_ Bella thinks. Things that were born in darkness didn't exist in the light.

" _Edward_!" She tries to scream, breath getting caught in her throat. " _Edward, don't!"_

He can't hear her. He can't hear her.

Edward's eyes are closed, fingers are reaching up to unclasp the buttons that hold a shirt that didn't fit him well before. He looks bad; worse than she's ever seen him.

She's so close to him, but she can't reach him in time. It won't be enough. There's a small smile on his face.

Out of the corner of her eye, Bella sees a little girl grab the attention of her mother.

She's sprinting and running up the few stairs and crashes into a stone body. Her head flings back and her teeth snap uncomfortably against each other; it leaves her head ringing.

Bella feels Edward stiffen and step back, black eyes squinting at her in hopeless confusion.

She's gaping like a fish. Mouth open and close, open and close. Because what could she possibly say? _I'm over you now, I am. I don't love you anymore and that's okay because it works out because you never really loved me anyway, huh? Jacob kissed me and I didn't like it at all, even if I thought I was going to. Don't try to do this again. It would kill everybody._

"Bella?" Edward gasps, hands tangling painfully in her hair. "Is this real life?"

"I'm here, I am. Alive. You don't have to kill yourself anymore," Bella says calmly, grabbing his arms and pushing herself away. "We should go find Alice-"

"Not just yet," a voice that promises death lingers in the dark shadows. "Aro would like to see you all."

;n;

The screams slicing through the air haunts her the whole plane ride back.

Edward is holding her hand like she's the last strand of air on this earth and Alice is talking to Jasper quietly on her phone beside her.

In a few hours, she'll be seeing the rest of the Cullens.

She's never felt more alone in her life.

;n;

All five of them are standing, like a solid statue. Their faces are a mixture of worry and anticipation.

They're still a beautiful as they were. Bella wonders if she's seeing a mirage.

"Bella," Carlisle is the first brave soul to come up and greet her again after all these months. He grabs her into a hug that brings tear to her eyes. "It's incredibly nice to see you again."

"You too," and Bella doesn't know what else to say.

Esme engulfs her into a hug before she can get the next couple of words out. "Oh, Bella." Esme pulls back, arms locked around Bella as if Esme were somehow trying to save her. "You look so tired…"

Bella nods. It's true. Burning behind her eyelids and fuzz around the corner of her brain is what exhaustion feels like. But she's been like this for years, decades, centuries.

"Let's get you home then, love." She's not sure who speaks, black is saturating her vision. "Rosalie, why don't you take her to the car and make sure she gets home. We'll make sure Edward hunts before he is let near Bella again.

"Of course," There's a hand softly touching her lower back. The fingers are longer and the hand is slimmer than Edward's. The careful weight and warmth on her back is a welcome change from Edward's freezing touch.

"Steady, Isabella." The voice was like ocean weather and vintage misery.

"Sorry," Bella sighs miserably, "I can't really see where I'm going."

"Would you like me to carry you?"

Bella squints her eyes and just barely catches a glimpse of a strand of wavy golden hair. "Rosalie?" Bella asks, almost scared. What the hell?

"Yes," Rosalie laughs and something spreads over Bella's shoulders that burns. "I'm taking you to the car, you're asleep on your feet. I was asking if you wanted to be carried."

A blush splashes against Bella's cheek and she can't speak fast enough. "Wha? Ah, no that's okay. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable. I can walk just fine- whoa!" Bella trips over a bump built into the floor, showing just how much she isn't actually capable of walking "just fine."

Gentle hands catch her. Bella snaps her head up and meets Rosalie's amused - slightly worried - face. "Sure, Bella," Rosalie bends down and picks up Bella, bringing her up against the blonde's chest. "Are you okay like this? Am I holding too hard or?"

"No, no," Bella squeaks. "I'm fine." She's holding board still, trying not to think about how warm Rosalie is. _Doesn't make sense. Rosalie is a vampire._

"Okay," Rosalie sounds doubtful, "tell me if I'm too … rough, I guess."

"Yeah," Bella yawns, eyes too heavy to keep open. "Hey, you're really warm, okay? I don't understand?" Sleep Deprivation has never been her friend.

The only response for a while is the soft breathing of Rosalie's chest against Bella's cheek and the barely there pace of her footsteps.

;n;

Bella's limbs and sides are stiff when she wakes up.

She's stiffens, lungs freezing.

How the hell did she get to her room?

Her mouth feels like cotton. It's dark and she can only see a silhouette sitting, perched really, on the edge of her rocking chair.

"Rosalie?" Bella rubs at her eyes, "what are you doing here?"

"Uh, Charlie wanted me to keep an eye on you." Rosalie murmurs, playing with her hands.

"Charlie?"

"Yes," there was a tangible quietness that sets Bella's teeth on edge. "He was mad at first, yelling about how we could just… leave you like that." A hollow laugh follows the action of Rosalie standing up, sticking her hands into her back pockets.

"And then?" Bella's almost afraid to ask.

"He cooled down after I told him that I would leave when he wanted me to," Rosalie sighs sadly, moving to sit on the corner of Bella's bed. "He explained the nightmares, and then said he thought it would be better to let me stay. But, Edward couldn't come anywhere near the house, so that's why I'm still here."

Bella nods. _Good, I don't really want to see him anyway._ "Okay," It's all Bella can say.

Rosalie nods like she understands, turns to look at her with dark eyes. "Edward can be here soon, if you want him to be. He just needs to hunt first. It's been months since he's last fed."

"What? Why?"

Rosalie doesn't say anything for a while. She just watches Bella and her ever shifting expressions. Finally, she reaches up and moves a wayward strand of hair out of Bella's face. Whispers, "you can't actually believe that he just… stopped loving you."

Ice water slips down Bella's back. "Then-then why?"

"You guessed it right, Bella," Rosalie has gotten really close now, picking thread on Bella's quilt near her thigh. "We did leave - partly. anyway - because of your birthday night." Rosalie's golden eyes look at her quickly, and then away. "Sorry by the way."

Bella nods, voice breaking when she answers "Yeah, no problem." But it is. It's totally a problem. It's a problem that her alarm was her screams, that she sat in that chair by the window _for months,_ that she stopped talking to her friends, and that she thought about death constantly.

"What are you talking about?" Rosalie laughs dryly,"It's not alright. Of course it isn't." Rosalie continues on, voice somber again. "We left you, took away your future. Probably made you feel like… we didn't ever want you."

Bella can't speak, but that's exactly what she thought.

"And we actually just… took your whole future away." Rosalie's voice cracks, Bella grabs at her arm.

"It's okay, Rosalie. You guys are here now."

"I have to apologize though," Rosalie explained, glancing at where Bella's hand laid. "I'm sorry that I almost got you killed."

"Oh, no," Bella hissed, "Don't. You didn't almost kill me."

"If I hadn't have told Edward…"

"If you hadn't have told Edward none of you would be back in Forks. So really I should be thanking you."

Bella sees Rosalie's clenched jaw, but she doesn't say anything else.

"Alice told me that you don't love Edward anymore. She thinks you like Jacob or something."

"Ew," Bella crinkles her nose, glancing at the solemn beauty once more. Rosalie looked amused, relieved. "Jacob is gross."

Rosalie laughs quietly. "Edward?"

Bella looks down at her hands, "it's been awhile, I don't think I can properly judge whether or not I still love him."

"Understandable," Rosalie nods, "you'll have to clear the air when he comes to visit you. Make sure you aren't vague. My brother is smart, but isn't that smart."

Bella shifts uncomfortably, "will he be angry?"

Rosalie barks out a laugh, it's so loud that it startles Bella. Rosalie takes notice and sends her an embarrassed apology. "Bella, he loves you, he's not going to be mad. Maybe heartbroken but," eyes the color of the sun meet Bella's, they're so bright and compassionate that Bella has to squint against the warmth. "He will ask to be friends, most likely."

"I can do friends."

Rosalie's fingers tighten on Bella's hand. "Are you up for visiting the family tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"You want to go back to sleep now?" Rosalie asks with a soft voice, eyeing the way Bella was yawning.

Bella nods, but sends a pleading look towards Rosalie. "Stay?"

The look in her eyes steals Bella's breath right out of her lungs. "Of course, where else would I go?"


	2. Brief Encounter

**Second chapter. Stark difference in how I used to write and how I do today and godddddd it sucks. :')**

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" _Beware of the broken girls, they've learned how to survive with shards of glass under their skin. They're glittering, sharp and beautiful - and they will watch you bleed. Mind the thorns, darling." - C.K. (Tumblr)_

The first time Rosalie sees an inkling of what she and her family has left behind is when Edward hasn't allowed Bella to see Jacob for weeks.

He comes like a storm, wrecking into their house, stomping the door shut. And everybody groans against the jump of fear in their bones. "Why does she want to spend time with _him?"_

Edward asks the question like he doesn't know the answer. Like he isn't the one keeping Bella hostage in his iron reign.

 _Surely,_ Rosalie thinks, _he has to know that she's falling to-_

She has to learn to silence her thought around him. It's gotten them both into fights worse than any of them have experienced in years.

"Excuse me, Rosalie?" Edward stood, threatening and lion like, back straight like the soldier he was about to be. Rosalie sighs. She's tired of fighting.

But that doesn't mean she won't bite back.

"Oh, sorry," she smirks a little, rage filling her stomach. "Forgive me. I will watch what I think next time. Shame on me for believing my thoughts were my own."

She watches with satisfaction as his jaw clenches and when Jasper stands up, ready to intervene in case Rosalie has plans to lay _waste_ Edward.

"Bella is doing just fine, she's not "falling to pieces" as you were thinking. But she cannot be allowed to see Jacob. He is dangerous and unreliable-"

" _Oh for heaven's sake!"_ Rosalie has to pinch the bridge of her nose and look away before she loses her temper. "And you aren't, Edward? Are you not as dangerous and unreliable as that child is? May I remind you of the past _five months?_ And, allow me to reiterate in case you've forgotten, Bella broke up with you. You didn't have a right to control her then, and you sure as hell don't now."

Everybody flinches. Rosalie didn't want to take it that far but Edward needed to make sure his own hands were clean before he started pointing fingers.

"Besides," Rosalie clears her throat. The silence was suffocating. "She doesn't really want to see Jacob. She wants to see the ocean. It makes her feel better."

There's a crease in his eyebrow, and Rosalie wonders if he knew.

"No," Edward answers to her unvoiced question. Everybody watches on in silence. "I didn't know."

"How could you not?" Rosalie really does need to learn to stop. "Her blood, her heartbeat, they both rush along to the beat of the sea. Hell, she even smells like it."

He doesn't answer. Edward ducks his head and walks - softer, slower, easier, sadder - up to his room.

Rosalie makes her escape.

;n;

Rosalie stands underneath Bella's window, watching, waiting, wondering.

It takes thirty minutes for her to finally decide.

It take forty for her to act on it.

Rosalie braces herself and leaps onto the ledge of Bella's window.

She ducks her head down in case Bella is preoccupied and knocks softly on the window. Nobody comes to the window.

Rosalie worries, mind running through all that could've gone wrong, but then she hears a slight snore. A smile brightens her face.

Bella hasn't been able to sleep very well recently. It's a relief that she can get a few hours.

Rosalie jumps down, stares up at the window with heartbreaking longing, and leaves.

Bella sleeps soundly through the night.

;n;

"Hi."

"Hey," Bella greets, breathless. Rosalie Hale is a goddess among mortals, and she wonders if she knows it. She's beautiful, even in a white v-neck and dark wash jeans.

A sly grin flashes across that perfectly carved face, and she whispers, "Would you like to accompany me in thoroughly pissing Edward off?"

;n;

They sit in silence for a long time.

Rosalie, stark contrast to both Edward and Alice, drives the speed limit, even a bit under.

Previously, Rosalie explained that she had an S class BMW. Bella didn't understand any of what Rose said but nodded her head in agreement, afraid to touch the sparkling red paint.

"So… you like cars?"

Rosalie shakes her head, a slight laugh finding it's way out of her mouth. Bella's breath hitches, warmth hitting her collar bone. Long, slender fingers tap idly against the wheel.

"Yes, isn't that weird?"

"No," Bella frowns, biting holes into the side of her cheek. Something dark grips her chest like a hand that takes and takes and takes, doesn't give back.

She remembers hard lips against hers, rough, larges hands gripping her arms. "Jake likes cars, too."

Rosalie hears the drastic change in her tone, and tilts her head. Frowning, she continues. "I got into cars during the second world war. The United States sent millions of vehicles over to help aid Britain. Mind you, they sent military vehicles over. But due to America becoming a total war country, car factories produced planes and the likes." Rosalie glances over at Bella, seeing her awed expression and she glances away in an embarrassed manner. "Forgive me for rambling, but the amount of technology that exploded during the world war was amazing. It just helped me take notice of cars, I suppose."

Bella watches Rosalie's eyes glaze over, recalling old memories Bella could only hope to learn from history class.

The blonde notices her looking, and send a smile that revs Bella's heart into overdrive.

"I know Edward gives you shit about your truck, and while it is an atrocity to look at, it was once the most amazing thing anybody had ever seen. Besides," Rosalie fixes her eyes back on the road. Bella misses the mischievous grin plastered to her face. "If you crash, that beast will only end up having a dent the size of a wheel into it."

"At least I've got that going for me."

The laughter the fills the car is bright and loud, and wipes away the nightmares in Bella's chest.

For once, in months, she feels like she can breathe.

;n;

"You took her to the Reservation?" Alice asks, darkness and ice in her voice. It makes Rosalie flinch.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because, Alice," Rosalie levels her with a glare. "She needs time to herself."

"You know I can't see her when she's there!"

Rosalie rolls her eyes, "have a little more faith in her."

"She threw herself off a cliff, Rose."

"I didn't say trust her completely."

Alice sits on the edge of her bed, a pout that didn't belong sat heavy on her little face. "Jasper knows, Rose."

"Knows what?" She asks, except she knows exactly what Jasper knows. Her back muscles clench up and her hands shake.

"Why would you do that to yourself?"

Rosalie turns away from Alice, turns away from her and her sympathetic looks and caring love. Pain settles itself deep in her bones, shakes her teeth. She whispers, vision becoming blurry. "I just wanted them both to be happy. I didn't think he would leave her."

"Oh, Rosalie…"

;n;

"Does she love him anymore?"

"No."

;n;

Edward arrives, clothes hanging off of his frame, hair, dirty and messy. He reeks of death and pain. Dark shadows cover his face. He looks at Rosalie, with dark, dark eyes. His voice is filled with angry bees and underlying agony.

"I'm going to try to win her back." He says, stumbling around her, "I need her. I love her."

Rosalie catches him by his arm, whirls around to look at him, matching him and his dark, dark eyes. "I clearly made a mistake," she seethes, venom pooling in her mouth. Her grip tightens on his arm and he groans, but doesn't try to pull away. "You don't deserve her."

He nods. "I know," He yanks his arm away, stumbles into the garage. " I know." He turns to look at her, jaw clenched. "But she loved me once before. I can make her again."

His answer is a car door slamming and wheels squealing, trying to get away from him and his betrayal and heartbreak.

;n;

Rosalie doesn't know what she's doing here, staring at the white of the door, but she is, and she's already rang the doorbell.

"Rose!" Bella greets, pleasant surprise. "What're you doing here?"

Rosalie doesn't talk for a while, her eyes flickering all over Bella's face, trying to memorize it. She reaches for Bella's hand, suppresses a purr of relief when she feels the warm fingers cover her own.

"Holy shit, Rose! You're really warm, are you okay?"

Rosalie lets out a dark chuckle, chest tightening with pain. Bella didn't know why Rosalie was so warm to her but the blonde certainly did.

"Rose..?" Bella steps forward, tries to make eye contact with the tortured vampire in front of her. "Are you okay?"

Rosalie gives her a soft, sad smile. "No." A shuddering sigh, "no. Bella, I'm not okay."


	3. wash the hospital out of your hair

**Funny how quickly you can write a chapter when you're sad *shrugs***

 **be nice.**

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" _Why does tragedy exist? Because you are full of rage. Why are you full of rage? Because you are full of grief." - Anne Carson_

 _..._

Bella spends a lot of time thinking about loss.

Loss is when the sun goes behind clouds, when the stars disappear into the sunlight.

Loss is every breath she takes in, breathes out.

…

She often compares Edward's feral smiles of desperation to Rosalie's scowls and locked jaws.

When she does, her hands shake.

…

"I still love you," he says, eyes of heartbreak, teeth seemingly dimmer than they once were.

"Edward," she flinches away. "Can you please not do that?"

He doesn't listen, plays with her hands. "Will you ever forgive me? Will you ever love me again?"

"Edward." She pulls her hands back, stares him in the eyes. "I already forgave you. But that doesn't mean I'll come running back into your arms." She pauses, considers telling him about how she aches for the soft curves of a woman, about how she wishes she could feel a warm mouth against hers, imagines long hair threading through her fingers.

She thinks that probably telling him right now is not the best idea.

"I'm -" She sighs, tries again. "I'm tired, Edward. Please, go home. I need to sleep. I have my English test tomorrow."

The only evidence he was ever there is the coldness seeping up her arm.

…

She aches for the ocean the next day. Aches for the salty breeze and grey-blue waves.

The only thing stopping her from going is the thought of Jake.

Things have been bad lately between them.

All she thinks of is his mouth, hot and insistent against hers, how her body cringed away afterwards.

And he thinks about the unwanted kiss too, but thinks about the rejection, thinks about how she smells more like his enemies than his friends.

And… and it sucks. It sucks because he was her best friend and to have all of that suddenly vanish leaves her barely breathing.

So she doesn't go. She doesn't go and paints the ocean waves in the space behind her eyes.

. . .

Here comes death.

Here comes pain.

She doesn't see Rosalie for a while.

 _Two weeks,_ Bella thinks, hands tapping away on marble counter tops.

"Where is she again?"

"Alaska." Esme has to speak up over the sizzle of a grilled cheese sandwich in order for Bella to hear her.

"Ah… and why is that again?"

She doesn't get an answer back, but she also doesn't miss how Esme shifts away from her.

Bella frowns, considers her keys beside Alice's hand.

Alice must have seen her plan to escape her discomfort. Small hands paired with a sly grin whisk away the keys from her sight. "No." Another smile. "You promised to hang out with me today. Don't worry about Rose, she's just in her usual mood."

Bella doesn't have the heart to mention that Rosalie _hadn't_ been in one of her moods for a little while now. So she sighs and turns away, wonders what she did wrong.

…

A month passes by and it feels like a million years.

She can't stop thinking about how they all left. About the dead trees and alcohol induced states.

She wonders about the what Rosalie's absence meant for the rest of the Cullens. Remembers cold lips against her forehead and empty houses after Edward left, a few days before they all had.

She remembers this. Finds herself curled up against the bathroom, vomit on her shirt, blood from her forearms.

She can't help but think she's the reason Rosalie is gone. That she's the reason Esme can't look at Edward in the face anymore.

Thinking about her _hurts._

But not being able to see her is like hell licking at the back of her heels.

…

She devours the concept of love like starlight, like the sun, like the moon.

She sicks it back up and feeds it to feral dogs that run in alley ways, red eyes glittering.

…

Her hands shake and she's got a heart like cigarette burns, got a heart like she's six feet under.

Constellations spell out her mistakes, spell out her and her rabid heart. Tachycardia, they call it.

Beats, beats, beats, beats. And nothing is around to save her bare feet slapping against frosty grass.

She skips all of her classes, she's a bullet that never hits it's mark, Alice's voice beats a drumline like an EKG machine. Goes flat and never hopes to pick back up again.

Her bed, her bed is an anchor, she's sewn herself into it thrice times. She dedicates depravity and cowardice to this bed. This bed that holds a red v-neck that isn't hers. This bed that smells like something that doesn't belong to her. (She wishes it did, wishes, wishes, wishes…)

 _Two months._

Outside, the devil whispers to her. And she lets him him with a barbed wire smile.

…

Her mouth forms into a lie. " _I'm sick, Jasper."_

He doesn't know enough to call her out on it.

 _Oh, but he does._ And she wonders if her tongue felt like a lie, actually.

She becomes scribble, blue and red, black, maybe. Bruise. Cuts. Bitten lips, perhaps. It's not self harm if no one sees it.

 _Where is she? What did I do wrong? I'm sorry._

…

Every night she dreams about jumping off the cliff. Every night she dreams never waking up again.

That the Cullens don't come back.

She dreams that her coffin has sheets that are too tight. She's dressed in a navy blue dress. Her knees are bruises and cheekbone is broken.

Not even makeup can hide her flaws here.

…

Alice drags her out of the house the next week? Month?

Her mouth is a blur when she speaks, nose crinkling against the smell of decay.

"Bella." Alice whispers, shakes her shoulder. "Bella you need to wake up."

Esme's made her food she eats, doesn't taste.

Edward set up a chess game that Alice plays for her.

Bella asks to borrow the phone. Calls Rosalie's number. Says, "I'm sorry." Silence answers her back and Bella all but forgets the warm touch and soft, sad smiles.

…

She'll leave a note for Charlie the next morning.

 _I'm sorry._

 _What for?_ He leaves a heart next to the question mark.


	4. i'll crawl home to her

**Here's this! Hopefully it's okay! Let me know what you think!**

* * *

" _I just want to feel clean. I bathed myself in salt tonight. I am a scar, reopened." - THE GRAVEDIGGER, J.R. Rouge)_

 _..._

She comes back like fire and ice and a world reborn and dug out of ashes.

She comes back and she is blonde hair matted with blood, and blood, and blood.

Esme's the first to see a skeleton rought out of clay.

"Oh, my sweet girl." Esme's caring eyes and soft hands take a face of death. "Oh, my dearest."

"I love her," Her mouth forms words that don't have sound, don't have rhyme or reason.

"I know," Esme brushes dirt away from her cheekbones, treats it as a tear. "I know you do."

…

"Bella," Somebody whispers her name. She wakes up to cold hands covering her arm. Surprisingly, it's Emmett with tousled curls and deep lines around his mouth. She feels an awful blackness pooling into the depth of her stomach. "Bella," he repeats, shakes her arm a little bit more and pulls her covers back, handing her a jacket at the same time. "First of all, it's four in the afternoon. Second, Rosalie is back."

Bella trips over a pile of book trying to scramble out of bed.

…

The car ride in Emmett's jeep is tense, she wishes Emmett had a lead foot like Alice did.

Bella glances over to his dash - the speedometer reads as 85. It's not fast enough.

"Bella, please." Emmett sighs. "I know, I know. But please, keep calm."

"Why did she go? Why did she leave?"

Emmett keeps his mouth shut. Bella huffs in response. "When are you guys going to start trusting me with information?"

He shakes his head, hair catching the dim light peeking through the trees. "It's not like that."

Bella goes to retort but she's cut short when she spots a family red car in the driveway. Her breath catches as she starts to unbuckle. Her brain shorts out, her only thought is blonde hair and bright gold eyes.

"Where is she Emmett?" Bella falls out of the car, landing on her hands and knees. "Where is she?"

"She's- Bella! Wait!" He grabs her by the waist. "Listen to me! She's out hunting right now. There's no telling when the last time she fed-" He stops quickly, staring out to a clearing on the other side of where they stood.

The first thing Bella's brain registers are thick locks of blonde hair. "Rose-" She starts to gasp.

In the blink of an eye, Bella is pressed up against the side of the Jeep, warm hands against her side and a solid body pressed against hers in a tight hug.

"Rosalie!" Someone shouts, panic evident in their shaky voice.

"I'm ok, I'm in control. I'm not going to hurt her" Rosalie's voice washes over Bella like a burst of sunshine. Her chest thaws out, the darkness recedes back into the shadows. Everything is ok.

"Hey. Hi." Rosalie sighs into the crook of Bella's neck. "I missed you so much."

All at once, Bella has a million things she wants to say, mouth opening and closing with a thousand of possibilities. "You came back." Her heart decided to speak up instead.

Rosalie pulls back slightly, presses her forehead against Bella's, tilts her head, and Bella thinks that her mouth is so close, all she has to do is move forward. Rosalie breathes out and opens her eyes. She seems to realize how close they are together but she doesn't move. Her eyes are a deep black, but Bella has never felt safer. "I will always come back."

…

Bella's scared to let Rosalie out of her sight.

Esme wraps her arms around Rosalie, quietly sobbing as Rosalie tries to reassure her.

Carlisle greets her with a kiss on her head and a long hug. Alice cries, much to Rosalie's chagrin. Jasper gives her a hug and a head nod, making sure he catches her eyes. A moment of silent communication passes between them in an odd sort of way. Bella watches as Rosalie's jaw clenches.

Emmett picks her up and spins her around with laughter falling out of his mouth.

Edward is nowhere to be found - but Rosalie doesn't seem particularly distressed about it.

The words Bella didn't get to say bubble up her throat now. She bites her tongue to quell the questions.

"I'm so sorry I was gone for so long. I honestly didn't register how long I was away for. Time just slipped away." Rosalie addresses everybody but her eyes are locked on Bella's, noticing the questions lingering in the depth of her eyes.

"It's okay." Alice speaks, smile soft and sad. "We're just glad you're back and that you're not ever doing that again." Her words are a little too sharp - Rosalie winces.

"I'm really, really sorry, guys." Her beautiful voice turns contrite, shoulders sagging. "I wasn't thinking about how my absence would affect you all."

Esme sighs, rubbing at her forehead. "We love you very, very much, Rose. Please know that."

. . .

Later, when the sun disappears behind grey clouds, when the too bright moon takes its place, Bella and Rosalie are curled into each other, trying to see where the pieces fit. Rosalie's hand snaps into place against Bella's hip, and Bella's legs seem to belong intertwined between the blonde's.

Those questions Bella never got the chance to ask regurgitate now, spilling out so fast she can't discern which question is which.

"Why did you go?"

Rosalie sighs, the breaking of silence too loud for her ears.

"Where did you go?" Bella continues, aware that she's speaking too fast but she can't stop, not even as Rosalie presses her cheek to the skin of Bella's neck.

Her words only stutter when Rosalie's fingers trace the bottom of Bella's lip. They continue on their path to thumb the edge of Bella's collar bone. "You've lost weight." Is a heavy sigh from Rosalie. It hurts to hear. A shelled version of her voice before. Dark and lonely. Oh, the demons Bella knows she's experienced.

Bella covers her hand with her own, marvelling at the shocking warmth there. Rosalie sighs again, a frown flooding over her golden brows.

"I went to Alaska. Denali, actually. There's a coven there that we consider cousins. I spent a day with them and then went to sit outside. It only felt like an hour but it turns out it was actually almost three months."

"I can't even imagine." Bella whispers, almost in awe. She can hardly sit still for an hour.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you." Her voice is tortured, dark and hallowed.

Bella opens her mouth, considers saying something, closes it, and opens it again. "You… You really, really did hurt me. Really bad, actually. I think I lost my mind for a while."

Rosalie winces, recoils back as if Bella had slapped her. "I'm so, so, so, sorry. I just, something upset me and I just needed to get away - I never planned on being gone for so long."

"I know, I know." Bella hurries to sooth her, combing her fingers through her hair, reveling in the softness. "I know, it's okay. You're here now. You're here now."

If at all possible, Rosalie scoots closer to Bella. "I promise. I promise I'll always come back."

"Just don't leave in the first place. I need you to talk to me about what upsets you." Brown eyes lock with golden ones that shimmer with tears that can't be shed. Slowly, Rosalie nods, eyes downcast now.

"Okay. I promise."

Bella nods, placing her chin on the taller girl's head. "Now, will you tell me about what set you off?"

"Maybe… Maybe not tonight? You need to sleep - you have school tomorrow."

"Will it take a while to explain?" Bella yawns through her words, reaching for a blanket.

"It's very complex, actually." An amused hum. "You humans manage to fall asleep so fast."

Bella tries to respond, but sleep overwhelms her. "Stay?"

Rosalie presses the faintest kiss to Bella's cheek. "Of course, where else would I go?"


End file.
